You are at doctor's office with your children. For the first time in days, your children are quiet, agreeable, and pleasant. They play nicely with the other children, and say "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am" to the nurse attendant that offers them paper to write on during your wait. The mother next to you states "Wow, your children are so well behaved. How do you do it?" You chuckle, because literally, you have no idea. In fact, the two children sitting and playing nicely at your feet don't seem the two heathens that your birthed at all. At home, they are two totally different children: screaming, yelling, fighting, arguing. You are completely surprised that they are writing on the paper and not on the walls, the floor, or inside the nice Parenting Magazines that are strewn across the waiting room table. You are even more surprised that when you told the oldest demon child to pick up the coloring pages off the floor, she actually did it, without a fight, a tantrum, a attitude, or blatant disrespect. You find yourself thinking, Who are you, and what have you done with my children?I know that you have all experienced a similar situation at least once in your wise years of parenting. Just last week, I went to my daughter's first Parent-Teacher-Conference to hear her teacher excitedly praise just how "polite", "friendly" and "well-behaved" she is. "She's such a sweet child! She follows directions, and is so excited to learn! She's very socialble and so giving!" Now, anyone who knows my daughter knows that she is not a bad child, but really? Polite? Follows directions? Eager to learn? Giving? It's hard to picture that when at home, I can't even get her to share the same air with her brother. Eager to learn? It's like pulling teeth to get her write her name at the top of her homework, let alone actually doing her homework. And yes ma'am no ma'am? Really? I don't even get that type of respect! Are we talking about the same kid here?
Why is this? Why do children (some) behave so well outside of the home? After reflecting on my family situation, I have come to several conclusions:
Discipline: In places such as school, teachers and care-takers usually have a consistant discipline regimen that all of the children are aware of. As stated in the article Morning Rush, children need consistency. This consistant discipline should be positive, structured and guided. If you are in a home with multiple children, the basis of discipline should be the same across the board. Discipline should also stay consistant outside of the home. Children should not be allowed to get away with mindless behavior simply because they are not in their home setting.
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Respect: As my mother always said, "You have to give respect to get respect", and this statement should also be used when dealing with children. I've noticed that some parents are nicer to their children in public vs. the comfort of their own home. In public, people are more aware of their tone, their language (both body and verbal) ect. In these ways, we are showing our children respect. In these ways, we are teaching our children how to be respectful. Children learn from our behavior, so we as parents should be mindful of this and model the behavior that we expect from our children EVERYWHERE...even when no one else is looking.
What are your thoughts? What about children that misbehave in public?
